Beyond the Series: The Ongoing Reflections of an Autistic Trans Woman in Harmony with Her Identity
Being a gestalt processor can often complicate communications. My problems with functional language, and using English not being natural or normal for me, further complicate things. One of the things that helps is writing. Often, these articles come to me at all hours and absolutely flood my verbal processing centre with paragraph after paragraph. When this happens, it feels like a panic attack … and I have to rush to my keyboard to clear it all out.
The articles that I’ve written this week, about my evolutions and discoveries and loving my new trans identity (yes, I do so love saying that), have taken from 3 to 5 hours each to write. The first “data dump” is all stream of consciousness and makes little sense. The first read will trigger more urges to dump data on to the page. When the flood abates, I’ll read the whole thing again and begin to form an outline from what I see. Then, the organisation of the materials (I’m so thankful for modern word processing software). Then the re-read and revision … which can spur another data dump. When the page matches the scene in the Theatre of My Mind, then it’s ready for publication.
Needless to say, between my professional duties as a teacher, and my long commute, these writing spells have left little time for sleep. Who knew coming out would be so exhausting. I am bone tired at this point.
Today, I thought to collect the links to this series in one place and offer a bit more commentary. Although I certainly never intended this to be a series, my GLP brain turned it into one. At this point, I’m arguing with it … I don’t want to write another book, please don’t flood me with 300 more pages … please stop.
Some disclaimers
What I have written, I have written. I’ve tried as best as I can to capture what I’ve experienced. As narrow and confining language is, especially English, I’ve really focused on every word, phrase, sentence, paragraph, section, to make sure that it conveyed the moment as accurately as possible.
As I share my journey, it’s important to emphasise that my story is just one thread in the vast tapestry of transgender experiences. Just as my understanding of femininity is shaped by my unique intersection of identities - as an autistic, gestalt-processing, hyper-empathetic, alexithymic, and transgendered individual - so too is each trans person’s journey coloured by their own particular circumstances and characteristics.
My intention in sharing my story is not to prescribe a singular narrative of what it means to be a trans woman, but rather to add my own voice to the rich, polyphonic chorus of trans experiences. I recognise that my path of self-discovery and self-expression, whilst deeply meaningful to me, is not a blueprint for anyone else’s journey.
In fact, one of the great beauties of the trans community (as I have found it thus far) is its incredible diversity. We are a constellation of unique individuals, each navigating our own relationships with gender, identity, and embodiment. Just as there is no one way to be a woman, there is no one way to be a trans woman. Our journeys are as varied and multifaceted as we are.
As I step more fully into my identity as a trans woman (OMG! I keep saying it and it feels amazing!), my hope is to integrate my experiences into the collective wisdom of this vibrant, resilient community. I want to learn from the journeys of my trans siblings, to be inspired by their courage and creativity, and to stand in solidarity with them in the face of a world that too often seeks to erase or diminish us.
At the same time, I want to contribute my own unique perspective to our shared story. As an autistic trans woman (see, silly, there I go again!), I have insights and experiences that may resonate with some and differ from others. And that’s exactly as it should be. My story is not meant to overwrite anyone else’s, but rather to harmonise with them, to create a richer, more textured understanding of what it means to be trans.
Ultimately, I believe that by embracing the beautiful diversity of our community - by making space for each person’s unique “vibration of becoming” - we create a stronger, more resilient movement. We show the world that there is no one right way to be trans, just as there is no one right way to be human.
So as I continue to share my journey, I do so with profound respect and appreciation for the journeys of all my trans siblings. I am honoured to add my voice to this chorus, and I am excited to listen and learn from the voices around me. Together, I believe we can create a symphony of trans experiences that celebrates our differences as much as our shared struggles and triumphs.
The story’s links
The articles are listed in the order in which they were written. Start at the top and read down to follow my journey.
Unmasking the Divine Spark: A Kaleidoscopic Journey of Identity, Memory, and Self-Discovery.
Resonating with My Truth: A Journey of Vibrational Becoming.
The Harmony of Being: Finding Resonance at the Intersection of Autism and Transgender Identity.
Squaring the Circle: Integrating Transgender Identity and Masonic Principles
Retrocausality and the Rewriting of Gestalts: An Autistic Trans Woman's Perspective
The Struggle is Real: Shopping for Clothes as a Tall, Autistic Trans Woman.
Stitching Ancestry into Self: Designing a Life Inspired by the Colours of the West Highlands.
The Muted Life: Grey Rocking as Survival for an Autistic Trans Person in a Hostile World.
Reclaiming Threads: My Journey of Decolonizing Femininity and Embracing Indigenous Roots.
Bespoke and Beautiful: Tailoring a Path to Authentic Self-Expression.
Enhanced Empathy and Receptivity: The Harmony of My Transition.
Reconnecting with My Body: An Autistic Trans Woman's Journey of Awakening.
Rewriting the Script: An Autistic Trans Woman's Reflections on Her First Week of HRT.
Chiseling Away: How Freemasonry Helped Me Discover My True Identity.
Building New Gestalts: Navigating the Unprecedented Experiences of a Life in Transition.
From Noise to Harmony: The Profound Impact of HRT on My Mental Clarity.
Stitch by Stitch: Progress in My Heritage-Inspired Clothing Project.
Patterns of Self: Unraveling Gender Dysphoria Through a Neurodivergent Lens.
Breaking the Chains of Brotherhood: A Trans Woman’s Spiritual Exodus from Masonry.
Hormones and Harmony: Unravelling the Science Behind HRT's 'Calming Effects.'
Beyond Size Charts: Crafting Comfort and Confidence as a 6'7" Autistic Trans Woman.
Navigating the Uncharted: HRT and the Panic of a Gestalt Language Processor.
The Well at the End of My World: A Trans Journey Through Folklore.
Autistic, Trans, and Revolutionary: My Transition as Reclamation.
Finding My Voice: HRT’s Surprising Effects on Language and Clarity.
Transitioning Beyond Pretence: Living Authentically as an Autistic Trans Woman.
Fueling Change: How My Diet May Be Accelerating My HRT Journey.
The Ankh of Becoming: A Trans Woman’s Reflection on ‘Jessica 6.’
The Periods We Create: Lived Experiences, Lack of Research, and Transphobic Narratives.
… and the “series” doesn’t really conclude there.
As I continue to navigate the ever-unfolding landscape of my identity, I am reminded that coming out (OMG, yes, I guess I did come out very visibly over these past months, didn’t I?!) is not a singular event, but an ongoing process of discovery, integration, and expression. Just as my understanding of my transgender identity has evolved (as documented over the course of this series), so too will my experiences and insights continue to deepen and expand as I live more fully as an autistic trans woman (it just flows, doesn’t it?!).
In many ways, this series of articles feels like the first movement in a larger symphony of becoming. It is a prelude, an introduction to the themes and motifs that will undoubtedly recur and evolve as my journey unfolds. Even as I find a sense of harmony and resonance in claiming my identity as a trans woman, I know that this is not the end of my story, but rather the beginning of a new chapter.
As such, I anticipate that there will be more articles to come, more reflections to share as I continue to navigate the complexities and joys of living authentically as an autistic trans woman (see, it just gets easier and easier. I don’t even realise I’m doing it now.). These future pieces may explore the ongoing process of social and medical transition (yes, I’m very excited about HRT), the evolving dynamics of my relationships and communities, or the deeper nuances of my own embodied and emotional experiences.
Importantly, I approach these future articles not as a predetermined narrative, but as an open-ended exploration. Just as my journey thus far has been characterised by a fluidity and openness to the unknown, so too do I want to remain receptive to the insights and experiences that have yet to unfold. I trust that as I continue to attune to the vibrations of my authentic self, the stories that need to be told will emerge organically.
In sharing these ongoing reflections, my intention is not simply to document my own journey, but to contribute to a larger conversation about the rich, complex, and multifaceted nature of autistic transgender experiences. By continuing to add my voice to this discourse, I hope to challenge simplistic or reductive narratives about what it means to be trans, and to celebrate the beautiful diversity of our community.
At the same time, I again recognise that my story is just one among many, and that each person’s journey of self-discovery and self-expression is unique and valuable. As I continue to share my own experiences, I do so with the profound respect and appreciation for the experiences of my trans siblings, and with the understanding that no one narrative can encapsulate the totality of who we are.
Ultimately, the unfolding of my coming out story (“my coming out story” just sounds so incredible rolling off the tongue) is an invitation to ongoing dialogue, exploration, and connection. It is an acknowledgement that identity is not a fixed destination, but a lifelong journey of becoming, one that is enriched and expanded by the stories we share and the communities we create.
So as I flow forward in my identity as an autistic trans woman 😊, I do so with a sense of openness, curiosity, and deep appreciation. I am excited to see where this journey will take me, and to share the insights and experiences that emerge along the way. And I am grateful to be part of a community that embraces the fluidity, complexity, and beauty of all our becoming.