Enhanced Empathy and Receptivity: The Harmony of My Transition
Since coming out as a trans woman, I’ve noticed a profound change in my ability to connect with the energy states and emotions of those around me. One particular moment stands out to me: I was having a conversation with a close friend about my transition. As we spoke, I could sense a slight disharmony in our interaction, a feeling of being slightly out of sync. But as I shared my journey and the ways in which I have come to understand and embrace my true self, I felt a shift. It was as if my words were fine-tuning the frequency of our conversation, aligning us and bringing a sense of clarity and harmony that hadn’t been there before. This experience made me realise how much my empathy and receptivity have increased and become easier since coming out.
This newfound sensitivity is something I’ve come to appreciate deeply. Before my transition, I often felt like a radio that was slightly off-frequency. There was a constant background static, a sense of not quite fitting in or being understood. My internal conflict and the dissonance between my true self and my outward expression created interference that affected not only how I perceived myself but also how others perceived and interacted with me. It was as if the message I was trying to convey was perpetually distorted, leading to misunderstandings and a sense of isolation.
The process of transitioning has been akin to a meticulous tuning process. Each step I took towards embracing my true identity—be it through self-discovery, coming out to friends and family, or taking the first steps toward the medical part of my journey —felt like adjusting the dial on a radio, reducing the static bit by bit. There were moments of clarity interspersed with noise, but each adjustment brought me closer to a state of proper attunement. These moments of clarity were enlightening, providing glimpses of the harmony that I was striving to achieve.
Now, having come out and embraced my true self, I feel like I’ve finally hit the right frequency. The static has cleared, and I can broadcast my true self clearly and confidently. This alignment has not only brought me a sense of peace and self-acceptance but has also enhanced my autistic empathic abilities. I find that I am more attuned to the energy and emotions of others, my receptivity heightened and my connections more genuine and authentic. It’s as if my receiver and transmitter have been perfectly aligned, allowing for a harmonious exchange of energy that enriches my interactions and relationships.
In today’s article, I’ll explore how this alignment has transformed my empathic abilities and discuss practical ways to harness this heightened sensitivity to foster deeper connections with others. By sharing this aspect of my journey, I hope to inspire others to find their own alignment and embrace the profound clarity and harmony that comes with it.
Thesis
My transition has not only brought me closer to my true self but has also significantly enhanced my natural empathic abilities. As an autistic gestalt processor, often referred to as non-verbal, I have always relied heavily on navigating energy states to understand and connect with others. This heightened sensitivity has been both a gift and a challenge. My unique way of processing the world means I often perceive and interpret emotions and energy patterns directly, without the mediation of words. This ability has become more pronounced and easier to manage since coming out, as my internal alignment has reduced the static and interference that previously clouded my perception.
One of the key challenges in my journey has been my alexithymia, a condition that makes it difficult for me to identify, describe, and/or source my own emotions. This complication has lengthened my transition, requiring me to continually check in with myself to discern whether the feelings I experience are genuinely mine or if they have been absorbed from others. The process of distinguishing between my own emotions and those I pick up from my surroundings has been a constant, intricate dance. Such is the problem of having an autistic, alexithymic receiver and transmitter (RX/TX). The very mechanisms that make me so attuned to others’ energy states can also create confusion, making it harder to navigate my own emotional landscape.
Since coming out, however, I’ve found that this confusion has lessened. The alignment and attunement I now feel have brought a newfound clarity to my internal world. My empathic abilities have sharpened, and I am better able to distinguish my own emotions from those I sense in others. This clearer emotional reception has made it easier for me to connect deeply and authentically with the people around me. My interactions are no longer clouded by the static of misaligned identity, and I can engage with others from a place of genuine understanding and empathy.
In essence, my transition has fine-tuned both my receiver and transmitter, enhancing my ability to navigate and interpret the energy states of others. This improved attunement allows me to engage in more meaningful and authentic interactions, free from the distortions that once plagued me. By sharing this journey, I hope to shed light on the profound impact that aligning one's true self can have on empathic abilities, particularly for those who, like me, navigate the world through the intricate dance of energy and emotion.
Pre-Transition - Off-Frequency and Static
Before my transition, life often felt like trying to tune into a distant radio station with poor reception. There was a constant background static, an omnipresent sense of being off-frequency. This misalignment was more than just a metaphor; it manifested as an internal conflict that permeated every aspect of my existence. I struggled to find harmony between my internal sense of self and the way I was perceived externally. The static was a daily reminder of the dissonance that existed within me, making it difficult to connect with others on a genuine level.
In my book, No Place for Autism?, released last year, I delve into the challenges of connecting and communicating that have been a significant part of my life. Growing up in a time when there was no awareness of the issues that would eventually earn me a Level 2 autism diagnosis, I faced considerable difficulties with functional language. My communication style, heavily reliant upon a limited number of gestalts (scripts) and on navigating energy states / non-verbal cues, often led to misunderstandings and a sense of isolation. Words frequently eluded me, leaving me to rely on an intuitive sense of others’ emotions and energy to interact. However, this intuitive approach was fraught with complications, especially when my own internal static distorted the signals I received from others.
The internal conflict I experienced in the decades before my transition was compounded by my alexithymia, which made it difficult to identify and describe my own emotions. This condition not only lengthened my transition but also complicated my ability to connect with others. I often found myself questioning whether the feelings I experienced were genuinely mine or if they were absorbed from my surroundings. This constant state of uncertainty created a barrier to authentic communication and connection, reinforcing the sense of being off-frequency.
In the last decade or so, I began to develop a deeper understanding of the problems with functional language that contributed to my Level 2 autism diagnosis. Whilst I am certainly not “cured,” my journey through transition has allowed me to evolve and grow in ways that have enhanced my ability to navigate communication. By slowly aligning my internal and external selves, I have reduced the internal static that once clouded my interactions. This newfound clarity has not only improved my empathic abilities but also given me better tools to connect with others.
My transition has been a transformative process, akin to fine-tuning a radio to achieve clear reception. The static that once dominated my life has diminished, allowing me to broadcast my true self with greater clarity and confidence. This alignment has made it easier for me to engage in meaningful and authentic interactions, free from the distortions that once hindered my ability to connect. As I continue to navigate this journey, I am continually discovering the profound impact that achieving proper attunement can have on my relationships and my overall sense of well-being.
External Perception and Misunderstandings
Growing up, the static of my internal misalignment was not just an internal struggle but also significantly influenced how others perceived me. Coming from a poor background and being functionally illiterate limited my options and opportunities, shaping the way I navigated the world. People often judged me based on my physical attributes—my size and strength—seeing me more as a tool to serve their purposes rather than as a person with my own needs and desires. This perception created a one-dimensional image of me, reinforcing the static and preventing others from seeing the real me hidden beneath.
This external perception led to numerous misunderstandings and challenges in communication. For example, in school and social settings, my awkward GLP communication style, coupled with my difficulty in expressing emotions due to alexithymia, often resulted in people misinterpreting my intentions and feelings. Teachers and peers would often mistake my silence or the use of the wrong scripts for indifference or defiance, not realising that my struggles with language and emotions were the root cause. This misinterpretation created a barrier to forming meaningful connections and fostered a sense of isolation.
In my interactions, I frequently found myself being used for my physical capabilities. Whether it was being enlisted for manual labor or sports, people saw me as a means to their ends, further compounding my feelings of being misunderstood and undervalued. This one-dimensional perception overlooked my complexity and the rich inner world I struggled to communicate. The static of my internal misalignment amplified these external misunderstandings, making it even harder for me to break through the superficial judgments placed upon me.
However, in the last year, I’ve experienced a significant shift. For the first time, I’ve had the safety and security to open up and come out as my true self. This newfound environment of acceptance and understanding has been instrumental in accelerating my journey towards self-realisation. As I began to align my internal and external identities, the static that once clouded my interactions started to dissipate. People around me began to see beyond my physical attributes, recognising the depth and complexity of my experiences and emotions.
With this alignment, my communication has improved, and misunderstandings have decreased. I now have the confidence and clarity to express myself more authentically, breaking down the barriers that once hindered my relationships. The journey of coming into my own being has allowed me to connect with others on a deeper level, fostering more meaningful and genuine interactions. This transformation has not only enhanced my empathic abilities but has also given me a profound sense of belonging and acceptance.
The Process of Tuning In
The journey of my transition has been a profound process of self-discovery and fine-tuning, akin to adjusting a radio to find the clearest signal. Over the past few years, I’ve shared a few stories on this Substack about my experiences with gender fluidity, exploring how my sense of self was influenced by the concepts of energy states and flow. These stories often depicted my shifting identity, as I navigated the spaces between genders, trying to understand where I truly belonged. However, in the past year, I have become acutely aware that my frequency was no longer shifting beyond feminine spaces, leading me to a deeper exploration of my identity.
The process of self-discovery during my transition has been both challenging and enlightening. Initially, it involved a lot of introspection and questioning. I had to confront long-held beliefs and societal expectations about gender, peeling back layers of conditioning to get to the core of who I am. This phase was marked by moments of doubt and confusion, as I grappled with understanding my true self amidst the static of external perceptions and internal conflicts.
As I delved deeper into this journey, there were gradual adjustments and moments of clarity that brought me closer to proper attunement. Each step forward was like fine-tuning a frequency, bringing me closer to a clearer understanding of my identity. I began to notice that my internal frequency consistently resonated with feminine spaces, a realisation that provided a profound sense of alignment and peace. This clarity was not instantaneous but developed through continuous self-reflection and the support of a nurturing environment where I felt safe to express my true self.
During this period, I became increasingly aware of the importance of aligning my internal receiver (RX) and transmitter (TX). As an autistic person and a gestalt processor, my ability to navigate communication often relies on understanding energy states rather than verbal cues. This made the alignment process even more critical. By tuning into my true frequency as a trans woman, I was able to finally harmonise my internal and external identities, reducing the internal static and improving my interactions with others.
One of the most significant aspects of this journey was recognising that my gender fluidity was a reflection of my attempts to tune into my true frequency. Over the years, I had oscillated between different gender expressions, trying to find the one that resonated most authentically with my inner self. It was only when I embraced my identity as a trans woman that I felt a true sense of attunement. This realisation brought a sense of stability and confidence that had previously eluded me.
Challenges and Adjustments
The path to proper attunement has not been without its challenges. Thus far, I’ve encountered numerous instances of static, both internally and externally. These challenges were akin to the interference one experiences when a radio is slightly off the correct frequency. As I began to align my internal frequency, I found that it was increasingly misaligned with many of the people in my life. My coming out revealed the closeted transphobes and bigots around me, whose previously hidden prejudices became glaringly apparent. This new awareness brought significant emotional and social challenges, forcing me to navigate a landscape fraught with hostility and misunderstanding.
Each adjustment I made during my transition was a step toward achieving a clearer, more harmonious frequency. These adjustments often involved difficult conversations and painful realisations. For instance, I had to confront the reality that some of the people I considered friends or even family were unwilling to accept my true self. This realisation was painful, creating a sense of loss and grief. However, it was also necessary for my growth and alignment. By identifying and shedding these disharmonious relationships, I created space for more supportive and understanding connections.
Despite the challenges, each adjustment brought me closer to a sense of true alignment. The process of letting go of unsupportive people was empowering, as it allowed me to surround myself with individuals who resonated with my newly attuned frequency. This new strength, coming from being properly tuned, has given me the courage to stand firm in my identity and reject those who seek to undermine my journey. It is a continual process of refining my social environment, ensuring that it reflects and supports my true self.
Moreover, these adjustments are not just about external relationships but also involve internal recalibrations. I have to continually check in with myself, distinguishing between my feelings and those I have absorbed from others (no, Monster drink and Anime did not make me this way). This self-awareness is crucial in maintaining my alignment, especially as an autistic person with alexithymia. Each step I take to clarify my emotions and intentions brings me closer to a state of harmony, reducing the internal static that had previously clouded my perception.
In the end, these challenges and adjustments are integral to my journey of self-discovery and attunement. They’ve taught me the importance of authenticity and the power of aligning with my true frequency. By facing and overcoming these obstacles, I am achieving a clearer, more harmonious state of being, one that resonates deeply with who I am as an autistic trans woman. This process of tuning in, despite the static and interference, has allowed me to connect more authentically with myself and others, fostering a sense of peace and fulfillment that had long eluded me.
Final Thoughts …
Achieving proper attunement in and through my transition has brought a profound sense of harmony and alignment that I had long sought. Coming out as a trans woman (Yipee!) has been an experience of immense joy and liberation. For the first time in my life, I can describe myself openly and authentically, free from the constraints of societal expectations and internal conflict. This clarity has not only improved my relationship with myself but has also significantly enhanced my connections with those around me.
One of the most gratifying aspects of this alignment is the deepened connection with my wife and family. Before my transition, there was always an awkward communication barrier that clouded our interactions. Now, with the static cleared and my true self revealed, we have found a new level of intimacy and mutual understanding. The honesty and openness that my transition has fostered have strengthened our bonds, allowing us to support each other more fully and authentically. The joy of being accepted and loved for who I truly am is indescribable and has brought a sense of peace and fulfillment to our family life.
Additionally, my transition has rekindled my connection with my artistic self. For many years, my creative energies were stifled by the internal turmoil and static that accompanied my dysphoria and unaligned frequency. Now, with a clear and harmonious signal, I am rediscovering the joy of creation. This summer, as you now, I plan to spend time crafting a new work wardrobe, a project that not only allows me to express my femininity but also reconnects me with my passion for crafting and design. With the help of my daughter, this project becomes a shared experience, further strengthening our relationship and providing a tangible expression of my journey.
The sense of harmony that comes with proper attunement has also enhanced my self-expression. The static that once clouded my interactions and obscured my true self has dissipated, allowing me to communicate more clearly and confidently. This newfound clarity has permeated all aspects of my life, from personal relationships to professional endeavours. I can now approach each day with a sense of authenticity and purpose, knowing that my actions and expressions are in alignment with my true self.
To wrap this up, the journey to proper attunement has been transformative, bringing with it a deep sense of joy and fulfillment. By aligning my internal frequency with my true identity as an autistic trans woman, I have cleared the static that once hindered my self-expression and relationships. This alignment has not only allowed me to connect more deeply with my loved ones but has also reignited my creative passions. The harmony I now experience is a testament to the power of authenticity and the profound impact of living in tune with one’s true self. It’s a joy I wish for everyone to experience.