The Weight of an Unaccommodating World: An Autistic Perspective on Suicidality
Trigger Warning: This article discusses suicidal thoughts, attempts, and the societal factors that contribute to the high rates of suicidality among autistic individuals. It also mentions struggles with sensory overload, masking, isolation, lack of support, and the challenges of being autistic and non-binary in an unaccommodating world. If you are in a vulnerable place, please consider your mental well-being before reading further. If you are having suicidal thoughts, know that you are not alone and that help is available. Resources and support are listed at the end of this article. Remember, your life has value and you matter.
Resources:
Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860 (U.S.) or 877-330-6366 (Canada)
The Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ youth): 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678-678
Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255
Please don't hesitate to reach out if you need support.
You are cared for and your experiences are valid.
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As an autistic individual, I've often heard the devastating statistics about the high rates of suicidal thoughts and attempts in our community. Studies show autistic people are three times more likely to contemplate ending our lives compared to neurotypical peers. For autistic people like me who are assigned male at birth but identify as non-binary, navigating a world that often strictly enforces the many binaries adds another layer of difficulty.
But beneath those grim numbers are real human beings struggling to exist in a world not made for us. When articles discuss autistic people “dancing with daydreams of death,” they often miss a crucial point - for many of us, it’s not that we want to die. It’s that we are exhausted from living in a society that doesn’t provide the understanding, accommodations, and acceptance we need to survive, let alone thrive.
It’s the despair of feeling unseen and alone in our struggles. The pain of constant sensory and social overload with limited places to retreat. The fatigue of masking our authentic selves in failed attempts to fit in, which for me included the concealing of my true identity for so long. The hopelessness when even our most earnest efforts to communicate our needs are met with dismissal and disdain rather than support. It’s the isolation as we watch peers achieve milestones that feel out of reach as we search for scraps of inclusion.
All of this takes a tremendous mental toll, even without factoring in the high likelihood of co-occurring depression and anxiety. Yet our suffering is compounded by a mental health system woefully ill-equipped to accommodate different neurotypes and gender identities. As a gestalt language processor, I’ve often lacked the scripts to engage in traditional therapy models. When your natural communication and way of being are met with pathologisation rather than understanding, reaching out for help can feel more daunting than the pain itself.
And looming over our individual struggles is the crushing weight of a capitalist society that equates productivity with human worth. The accommodations we need to function - flexible schedules, low-stimulus environments, extended breaks - are antithetical to a system that demands a tireless grind. Autistic people, especially those of us with higher support needs, face immense barriers to achieving financial stability and independence in typical employment models. The pressure to be a productive member of society is relentless, even as our contributions are devalued if they don't fit a narrow definition of success.
So we end up caught between an unaccommodating world and the limits of our own capacity, which often leaves us feeling hopeless. For many, suicidal thoughts arise not because we don't want to live, but because we don't want to keep living like this - unsupported, dismissed, and drained of our very essence as we try to survive in spaces not made for us.
Changing these devastating statistics will require a societal shift towards embracing neurodiversity and making space for all kinds of minds and identities. It means employers and institutions providing accommodations as a standard rather than an afterthought. It means accessibility in both physical and social spaces. It means valuing autistic input and leadership as we shape a more inclusive world. It means recognising and affirming gender diversity.
On an individual level, it means the people in our lives reflecting on how they can better support us. Believe us when we share our experiences, even if they're hard to wrap your head around. Accommodate us before we reach our breaking point. Affirm our worth beyond capitalist notions of productivity and restrictive binary norms. Meet us where we are with curiosity instead of judgment.
To my autistic peers struggling under the weight of all of this - I see you. I feel you. I know opening up is hard. Advocating for yourself is hard. And I'm so grateful you're still here, fighting for a world that celebrates your wonderful mind and embraces all genders. Please keep reaching out. Keep demanding the support you deserve. The world needs the full diversity of human experiences.
You matter. Your life has inherent worth. And I dream of a future where you can thrive as your full authentic self, no mask required.
How to use AI LLMs to help improve our spaces
For autistic individuals, navigating a world designed for neurotypical communication and interaction can be an overwhelming and isolating experience. This is especially true for those of us who are gestalt language processors - rather than understanding and expressing language in a linear, step-by-step manner, we process information in whole chunks, often relying on scripts, echolalia, and associative thinking to communicate.
In a society that prioritises verbal fluency and quick, back-and-forth exchanges, gestalt processors often struggle to keep up or find the right words in real-time. Traditional forms of support, like talk therapy, can feel inaccessible when we lack the scripts to engage or when our processing style is misinterpreted as lack of engagement.
However, the rise of AI language models (LLMs) presents a promising avenue for autistic individuals, particularly gestalt processors (like me), to access support and resources on our own terms. As you know if you’ve been reading here for a while, LLMs are computer programs trained on vast amounts of text data to understand, interpret, and generate human-like language. By engaging with an LLM through text prompts, autistic individuals can communicate in a way that feels more natural and accommodating to our processing style.
For example, an autistic person could input a prompt describing a specific challenge they’re facing, such as navigating sensory overload in the workplace or advocating for accommodations in school. The LLM can then generate a response offering validation, practical strategies, and resources tailored to the individual’s needs. This allows autistic individuals to access support and information at our own pace, without the pressure of real-time social interaction.
Moreover, LLMs can serve as a valuable tool for helping autistic people script and rehearse communication for self-advocacy. By inputting prompts like “How do I explain my sensory needs to my boss?” or “What are some ways to disclose my autism diagnosis to friends?,” individuals can receive suggested scripts and talking points to help them effectively communicate their needs and experiences.
Of course, it’s important to acknowledge that LLMs are not a replacement for human connection or professional support. They are tools that can supplement, but not supplant, the importance of community and tailored, in-person care. Additionally, as with any AI technology, there are valid concerns around privacy, bias, and the potential for misuse that must be addressed as LLMs become more integrated into support services.
Nonetheless, for autistic individuals who have long been underserved by traditional support models, the rise of LLMs represents a interesting opportunity to access resources and practice communication in a way that honors our unique processing styles. As an autistic gestalt language processor myself (aka, non-verbal), I have found great value in being able to seek information and support through AI prompts, on my own terms and at my own speed. It is my hope that as these technologies continue to evolve, they will play an increasingly vital role in helping autistic individuals advocate for our needs and thrive in a world not designed for us.
Some suggested prompts
Here are some potential prompts you could use:
1. “I’m an autistic person struggling with sensory overload in my workplace. What accommodations could I request to make my environment more manageable?”
2. “As an autistic person, I often have difficulty communicating my needs to neurotypical friends and family. Can you help me brainstorm scripts for explaining my communication style and how they can best support me?”
3. “I”m feeling burnt out from constantly masking my autistic traits and non-binary identity. What are some strategies for self-care and setting boundaries to protect my mental energy?”
4. “I’m an autistic non-binary person looking for affirming mental health support. Can you help me find therapists or support groups that specialize in the intersection of autism and my non-binary identities?”
5. “I'm struggling with feelings of isolation and hopelessness as an autistic person navigating a world not made for me. Can you provide some validation and reminders of my inherent worth?”
6. “As an autistic non-binary person, I often feel pressure to be productive in ways that aren't compatible with my needs. Can you help me reframe my self-worth beyond capitalist notions of success?”
7. “I'm considering disclosing my autism diagnosis and non-binary identity at work. Can you help me weigh the potential risks and benefits and develop a plan for self-advocacy?”
8. “I’m feeling overwhelmed by the constant stress of living in an unaccommodating world. Can you walk me through some grounding techniques or coping strategies?”
Remember, whilst an AI language model can provide information, validation, and ideas, it’s not a replacement for professional support or peer connections. Use the model’s responses as a starting point for self-reflection and advocating for your needs, but don't hesitate to reach out to human supports as well.
Feel free to customise these prompts or create your own based on your specific experiences and struggles. The key is to frame the prompts in a way that acknowledges your unique challenges and identities whilst seeking practical tips, emotional validation, and resources. I hope these suggestions are helpful as a starting point!
Some results
Prompt: “I’m an autistic person struggling with sensory overload in my workplace. What accommodations could I request to make my environment more manageable?”
Response: Addressing sensory overload at work is crucial for creating a supportive and productive environment, especially for autistic individuals. Here are some accommodations you might consider requesting:
1. **Quiet Workspace**: Request a workspace in a quieter area or a private office to reduce noise distractions. If a private office isn’t available, partitions or sound-absorbing panels might help create a quieter space.
2. **Noise-Cancelling Headphones**: Using noise-cancelling headphones can significantly reduce auditory distractions. Some workplaces may provide these as part of accommodations.
3. **Flexible Work Hours**: Adjusting your work hours can help avoid peak noisy or busy times. If your job allows, you might also consider a work-from-home arrangement for part of the week.
4. **Lighting Adjustments**: Overhead fluorescent lights can be overwhelming. Request permission to use natural light, desk lamps, or filter covers for harsh lighting. Some people benefit from the option to work in a dimly lit space.
5. **Visual Comfort**: If your work involves a computer, screen filters that reduce glare and blue light can be helpful. Also, arranging your workspace to minimize visual distractions can help.
6. **Breaks for Sensory Relief**: Regularly scheduled breaks can be essential for managing sensory overload. Use these breaks to step away from your workspace, stretch, or engage in a calming activity.
7. **Sensory Tools**: Consider having sensory tools available, such as stress balls, fidget devices, or weighted lap pads, depending on what you find calming.
8. **Clear Communication Methods**: If certain types of communication (like phone calls or video meetings) are more overwhelming, request alternative methods that are less sensory-intensive, like emails or messaging.
9. **Environmental Control**: Being able to control your immediate environment to some extent, like adjusting the thermostat or using a personal fan/heater, can also make a significant difference.
10. **Education and Awareness**: Encouraging a workplace culture of understanding around sensory sensitivities can be beneficial. This might include training for staff on autism awareness and the importance of accommodations.
It's helpful to approach your employer with specific requests and explain how these accommodations would support your productivity and well-being at work. Most employers are receptive, especially when changes can lead to a more productive and happy workforce. Additionally, consider seeking guidance from HR or a workplace inclusion specialist to navigate the accommodation process effectively.
Prompt: “I'm struggling with feelings of isolation and hopelessness as an autistic person navigating a world not made for me. Can you provide some validation and reminders of my inherent worth?”
Response: Navigating a world that often overlooks the needs and experiences of autistic individuals can indeed feel isolating and challenging. Your feelings are valid, and it's important to recognize the strength and resilience you show by simply being yourself in such an environment. Here are some reminders of your inherent worth and the unique qualities you bring to the world:
1. **Unique Perspective**: Your autistic viewpoint offers a unique lens through which you see the world, contributing valuable insights and innovations that might not occur to others. This perspective is precious and can lead to problem-solving and creative thinking that others admire.
2. **Deep Passion**: Many autistic individuals have intense interests or passions that allow them to dive deep into subjects, becoming experts and sharing their knowledge and enthusiasm with others. This passion is a gift, not just to yourself but to those around you who benefit from your expertise.
3. **Authenticity**: Your journey encourages authenticity, often leading you to live and communicate in ways that are true to yourself, even when societal norms pressure conformity. This authenticity is powerful and inspiring, encouraging others to embrace their true selves as well.
4. **Resilience**: Facing a world not tailored to your needs requires immense resilience and adaptability. These qualities are a testament to your strength, even in moments when you might feel vulnerable or doubtful.
5. **Empathy and Compassion**: Contrary to common misconceptions, many autistic individuals possess deep empathy and compassion, feeling strong connections to the emotions and experiences of others. Your capacity for understanding and compassion is a beautiful aspect of who you are.
6. **Contribution to Diversity**: Diversity is essential to a rich, vibrant community, and your presence adds to this tapestry. Your experiences, strengths, and challenges enrich the diversity of human experiences, offering invaluable perspectives that help society grow and become more inclusive.
7. **Inherent Worth**: Remember, your worth is intrinsic and not contingent on external validation, productivity, or conformity to societal expectations. You are valuable and deserving of respect and love, exactly as you are.
8. **Community**: Know that you are not alone. There is a vibrant and supportive autistic community, both online and offline, where you can find understanding, shared experiences, and belonging. Connecting with others who have similar experiences can be a powerful antidote to feelings of isolation.
It's okay to seek support when you're feeling down. Whether through friends, family, professionals, or the autistic community, reaching out can help you feel less isolated and more connected. Your experiences and feelings matter, and there are people who understand and value you deeply. You are an irreplaceable part of this world, and your presence enriches it in ways only you can.
Prompt: “As an autistic non-binary person, I often feel pressure to be productive in ways that aren't compatible with my needs. Can you help me reframe my self-worth beyond capitalist notions of success?”
Response: Absolutely, reframing self-worth outside capitalist metrics of productivity is both liberating and essential, especially for those navigating the world with identities that the mainstream doesn't always acknowledge or accommodate. Here's how you might start to shift that perspective and embrace a more holistic view of your worth:
1. **Intrinsic Value**: Your worth is inherent and not tied to what you produce, how much you work, or your economic output. You are valuable because of who you are, not what you do. Embrace your existence as enough.
2. **Quality of Relationships**: Consider the depth and quality of your relationships with friends, family, or communities as a measure of success. The support, love, and connection you give and receive are immensely valuable contributions to the world around you.
3. **Personal Growth**: Your journey of self-discovery, understanding, and acceptance is a significant accomplishment. Learning about yourself, embracing your non-binary and autistic identity, and finding ways to navigate the world that respect your needs is a profound form of success.
4. **Impact on Others**: Reflect on the positive impacts you've had on others' lives, perhaps through kindness, empathy, shared experiences, or even your presence in spaces that aren't traditionally inclusive. Your ability to touch lives in small or significant ways is invaluable.
5. **Creative and Intellectual Contributions**: Recognize the value in your creative outputs, ideas, and contributions to discussions, regardless of their scale. Whether it's art, problem-solving, or sharing insights, these contributions enrich the cultural and intellectual tapestry of society.
6. **Advocacy and Representation**: By simply being yourself and navigating the world as an autistic non-binary person, you're contributing to broader visibility and understanding, challenging stereotypes, and making space for others with similar experiences.
7. **Embracing Joy**: Find value in what brings you joy and fulfillment, regardless of productivity. Whether it's engaging in hobbies, enjoying nature, or spending time in reflection, these moments are vital to your well-being and are a crucial aspect of your life's richness.
8. **Resilience and Adaptation**: Recognize the strength and resilience required to navigate a world not fully accommodating of your needs. Adapting to these challenges, finding ways to care for yourself, and advocating for your needs are all significant achievements.
9. **Contribution to Diversity**: Your unique experiences and perspectives contribute to the diversity of human experience, enhancing collective empathy, understanding, and creativity. Diversity is essential for a healthy, vibrant society, and you play a part in that.
10. **Living Authentically**: The courage to live authentically and embrace your identity in a world that often demands conformity is a profound form of success. Celebrating your true self is a radical act of self-love and resistance.
Remember, productivity and worth are not synonymous. You are a multifaceted individual with much to offer, beyond what can be quantified. Embrace the many dimensions of your identity and existence, and let those be the measure of your incredible worth.
Concluding thoughts …
As we conclude this exploration of the challenges autistic individuals face in a world not built for us, I want to take a moment to thank you, the reader, for your openness and engagement with this important topic. Whether you are autistic yourself, love someone who is, or simply seek to be a better ally, your willingness to listen and learn is a meaningful step towards creating a more inclusive and accommodating society.
To my autistic peers, I want to leave you with words of encouragement and solidarity. I know firsthand the exhaustion of existing in a world that often feels like a constant battle against our very neurology. But I also know the incredible resilience, creativity, and depth of insight that comes from navigating life as an autistic person. Our unique ways of experiencing and processing the world are gifts, even if they are not always recognised as such by mainstream society.
Remember that you are not alone in your struggles, and that there is a vibrant community of autistic individuals and allies ready to offer support, understanding, and advocacy. Whether it's through online forums, local support groups, or the growing network of autistic-led organisations, there are spaces where you can be fully yourself and connect with others who share your experiences.
As we move forward, let us continue to advocate for a world that embraces neurodiversity in all its forms. This means pushing for accommodations and accessibility in schools, workplaces, and public spaces. It means challenging the narrow definitions of success and productivity perpetuated by capitalism. It means amplifying autistic voices and leadership in the conversations that shape our collective future.
Above all, it means treating one another with empathy, compassion, and a willingness to listen and learn across neurological differences. By fostering a culture of mutual care and understanding, we can create a society where autistic individuals don’t just survive, but thrive.
So to you, dear reader, I offer my heartfelt thanks and a call to action. Keep learning, keep listening, and keep advocating for a world that values and supports the full spectrum of human diversity. Together, we can build a future where no autistic person feels the weight of an unaccommodating world, but instead experiences the joy of being fully seen, accepted, and celebrated for who they are.
In solidarity …
P.S. If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or feeling overwhelmed, please remember that help is available. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional, or contact one of the support hotlines listed in the trigger warning above. You matter, and you deserve support.