Autistic people often struggle deeply with loneliness and isolation. This leaves them desperately seeking acceptance from others. You can see evidence of this across the social media platforms. Unfortunately, this also makes them unable to spot red flags that would alert them to abusive or toxic relationships. A recent article dives into this and provides several examples of autistic individuals who were unable to recognise clear emotional or sexual abuse from their partners.
The article highlights how autistic social awkwardness and lack of filters can lead to victimisation in relationships. Abusers may specifically target autistic traits to humiliate and control their partners. It illustrates that more support is critically needed for autistic adults, to build community connections and reduce the loneliness and isolation they feel. This could help avoid vulnerable autistic people falling into abusive relationships simply from a desperation for acceptance. As you know, most autism funding currently focuses on early intervention for children. But autistic children grow up to become autistic adults, who are left unsupported and vulnerable without targeted help. Resources must be directed to aiding autistic adults as well.
Switching gears, the central premise of the article assumes that intimate monogamous relationships are universally desired and required for fulfillment among autistic adults. However, some autistic people may not desire or require a traditional partner relationship. Providing support for autistic people to build fulfilling lives whether single, partnered monogamously, or within an ethically non-monogamous relationship structure could be a more inclusive approach.
There is also an overemphasis on the risks of abuse within relationships for autistic adults, without balancing this with recognition that relationships can be potential sites of comfort, support, and satisfaction too.
Additionally, the examples provided implicitly assume monogamous relationships as the norm or ideal. However, consensual non-monogamous relationships are also perfectly valid relationship orientations that some autistic adults may prefer. The high expectations of monogamy in terms of intimacy, communication, and attachment may also be unrealistic or unfulfilling for some autistic people. Ethical forms of non-monogamy could allow autistic adults' needs to be met whilst still providing community connection. Rather than enforcing socially-expected monogamous relationships, accommodating diverse relationship orientations may better serve autistic adults.
Forms of non-monogamy such as polyamory could potentially allow autistic adults to access intimate connections whilst distributing dependency across a network of partners, reducing isolation. Openness to non-monogamous possibilities also widens the pool of relationship options, possibly reducing desperation that can lead some autistic people into abusive monogamous situations. Furthermore, intentional communities formed around the ethos of ethical non-monogamy can provide a strong sense of belonging for marginalized groups including autistic adults.
Overall, a more inclusive discussion on relationships and autism would benefit from recognizing that monogamy is not inherently superior for all, and openness to consensual non-monogamous relationships could potentially empower autistic adults in their intimate relationships and reduce dependency on single partners. A diversity of ethical relationship models should be considered in supporting autistic adults.
The AutSide is a reader-supported publication. To support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber.
Is love a battlefield for autistic people?
Is love a battlefield for autistic people?
Is love a battlefield for autistic people?
Autistic people often struggle deeply with loneliness and isolation. This leaves them desperately seeking acceptance from others. You can see evidence of this across the social media platforms. Unfortunately, this also makes them unable to spot red flags that would alert them to abusive or toxic relationships. A recent article dives into this and provides several examples of autistic individuals who were unable to recognise clear emotional or sexual abuse from their partners.
The article highlights how autistic social awkwardness and lack of filters can lead to victimisation in relationships. Abusers may specifically target autistic traits to humiliate and control their partners. It illustrates that more support is critically needed for autistic adults, to build community connections and reduce the loneliness and isolation they feel. This could help avoid vulnerable autistic people falling into abusive relationships simply from a desperation for acceptance. As you know, most autism funding currently focuses on early intervention for children. But autistic children grow up to become autistic adults, who are left unsupported and vulnerable without targeted help. Resources must be directed to aiding autistic adults as well.
Switching gears, the central premise of the article assumes that intimate monogamous relationships are universally desired and required for fulfillment among autistic adults. However, some autistic people may not desire or require a traditional partner relationship. Providing support for autistic people to build fulfilling lives whether single, partnered monogamously, or within an ethically non-monogamous relationship structure could be a more inclusive approach.
There is also an overemphasis on the risks of abuse within relationships for autistic adults, without balancing this with recognition that relationships can be potential sites of comfort, support, and satisfaction too.
Additionally, the examples provided implicitly assume monogamous relationships as the norm or ideal. However, consensual non-monogamous relationships are also perfectly valid relationship orientations that some autistic adults may prefer. The high expectations of monogamy in terms of intimacy, communication, and attachment may also be unrealistic or unfulfilling for some autistic people. Ethical forms of non-monogamy could allow autistic adults' needs to be met whilst still providing community connection. Rather than enforcing socially-expected monogamous relationships, accommodating diverse relationship orientations may better serve autistic adults.
Forms of non-monogamy such as polyamory could potentially allow autistic adults to access intimate connections whilst distributing dependency across a network of partners, reducing isolation. Openness to non-monogamous possibilities also widens the pool of relationship options, possibly reducing desperation that can lead some autistic people into abusive monogamous situations. Furthermore, intentional communities formed around the ethos of ethical non-monogamy can provide a strong sense of belonging for marginalized groups including autistic adults.
Overall, a more inclusive discussion on relationships and autism would benefit from recognizing that monogamy is not inherently superior for all, and openness to consensual non-monogamous relationships could potentially empower autistic adults in their intimate relationships and reduce dependency on single partners. A diversity of ethical relationship models should be considered in supporting autistic adults.
The AutSide is a reader-supported publication. To support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber.