Them: “I've got a lot of problems with you, and now you're gonna hear about it! What gives with wanting to celebrate Festivus on December 26th?! Have you lost your mind? That's when all the normal people are recovering from the holidays or running out to the stores with their new gift cards burning holes in their pockets. But not you. Oh no, you've got to be different and choose the most inconvenient, ridiculous day to stage your made-up holiday airing of grievances.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Consistency and common sense never were your strong suits. Like that time you scheduled a beach picnic during monsoon season, or booked flights over the holidays and expected it to be cheap! Well, add "scheduling Festivus on Boxing Day" to your long list of foolish decisions. I've got a lot of problems with you, and your bizarre holiday timing is certainly one of them! Did you think it would be fun and quirky? Were you trying to be unique? Or were you just not thinking, as per usual? Whatever the reason, I've now got excessive gift returns to deal with thanks to you. So from now on, keep your oddball Festivus plans away from real holidays on the calendar!”
Sorry … I love senseless made up holidays. Did you know that medieval peasants had more holidays than modern Westerners do? You didn’t? Well I made that up too. It’s a common misconception. So whilst it varied across the social hierarchy, the evidence suggests the average medieval peasant worked long hours with few full holidays for rest and recreation. Their lives were simply too consumed by labour for subsistence needs. The modern Western worker indeed has benefitted from added labour rights over time (thank you Unions!), gaining more holidays compared to our ancestors. Though it doesn't always feel that way!
Anyway … when I began the AutSide, I intended it to be a repository of my delayed echolalia responses to things my autistic brain wanted to know and explore, a kind of digital delayed echolalia if you will. Often, my brain wakes me up at night to inform me that it’s figured out something that it’s been working on, and the only way I can get it to shut up about it is to dump the info on to a new page.
In the past, I put certain posts behind a paywall to reward paid subscribers. But, as your Festivus surprise, filthy peasants, all paywalls have been removed. The site is now 100% open. Grovel in admiration.
Just kidding … no … not about the site being 100% open … about the Festivus-inspired insults. I’m very glad you’re here and for your continued support.
Feel free to use the search function to find any of the almost 500 articles and posts here. If you find value in what you discover, I encourage you to become a supporter. Or, share what you’ve found with others via your favourite social media apps. Just be sure to credit the source and link back here.
Happy Festivus!
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Happy Festivus (RIP Jerry Stiller).