Cosmic Chaos and the Non-Binary Soul: Finding Meaning in the Mis-Assignment of Bodies
Growing up, I always felt a deep discomfort in my own body. As an awkward, clumsy non-binary person, the physical form I inhabit never quite aligned with my inner sense of self. It was as if my soul was wearing a costume that didn’t fit, a skin that felt foreign and constricting. This feeling of being mis-assigned a body is a common experience among many non-binary individuals, who find themselves at odds with the strict bodily norms imposed by society.
In my search for understanding and validation, I found an unexpected resonance in the concept of the Guf and pre-assigned souls from Jewish mysticism. According to this belief, all souls were created at the beginning of time and stored in a celestial repository known as the Guf before being assigned to physical bodies on earth. This idea of a pairing between soul and body struck a chord with me. What if the entity / force responsible for this pairing made a mistake?
The notion that souls could be mis-assigned to bodies, leading to a profound sense of unease and disconnection, provided a framework for understanding my own non-binary / non-conforming experience. It suggested that perhaps my soul was intended for a different kind of body, one that transcended the limitations of human-created categories. This realisation was both comforting and empowering, as it affirmed the validity of my identity and offered a “spiritual context” for my struggles.
As I write today, it’s International Transgender Day of Visibility. Today, I want explore the concept of “pre-assigned souls,” drawing parallels to the trans / non-binary experience of feeling mis-assigned a body. By examining this ancient wisdom through a contemporary lens, I hope to shed light on the complex interplay between body, soul, and identity, and offer a new perspective on the challenges and joys of embracing a non-binary self. Together, we will navigate the mysteries of the soul’s journey and the profound impact of feeling at home in one’s own skin.
The Guf and Pre-Assigned Souls in Jewish Mysticism
The concept of the Guf and pre-assigned souls is deeply rooted in Jewish mystical thought, particularly in the Kabbalistic tradition (something that I explored in maximum depth in my 20 years as a Scottish Rite Mason). One of the most influential works in this regard is the Zohar, a foundational text of Jewish mysticism that dates back to the 13th century. In the Zohar, the Guf is described as a celestial repository (treasury of souls) where all souls are stored before being sent down to earth to inhabit physical bodies. This idea suggests that our souls have a purpose / destiny and that our physical incarnation is just one part of a much larger cosmic journey.
The notion of pre-existing souls is also found in Talmudic literature, which predates the Zohar by several centuries. In the Talmudic tractate of Yevamot, there is a discussion about the nature of the soul and its origin. The Talmud suggests that all souls were created during the six days of Creation and that they are held in the Guf until the time comes for them to descend into the world. This idea highlights the ancient roots of this belief and its centrality to Jewish spiritual thought.
The concept of the Guf and souls awaiting incarnation is closely connected to other key themes in Kabbalistic philosophy. One of these themes is the idea of divine sparks, which are believed to be scattered throughout the material world. According to this belief, it is the task of human beings to elevate and reunite these sparks through spiritual practice and righteous living (Tanya, Chapter 37). This idea is linked to the notion of souls awaiting incarnation, as it suggests that each soul has a specific mission to fulfill in the world, a unique role to play in the cosmic drama of creation.
Another related theme is the concept of reincarnation, known in Jewish mysticism as gilgul. According to this belief, souls may undergo multiple incarnations in order to fulfill their divine purpose and to rectify past mistakes (Sefer HaGilgulim, Chapter 1). This idea is closely tied to the notion of destiny, as it implies that our soul’s journey extends beyond a single lifetime and that our current incarnation is just one chapter in a much larger story.
Ultimately, the concept of the Guf and souls awaiting incarnation points to a deep spiritual understanding of the nature of the soul and its relationship to the physical world. It suggests that our lives are not random or arbitrary, but rather part of a greater cosmic plan. By exploring these ideas through the lens of Jewish mysticism, we can gain a deeper appreciation for the mysteries of the soul and our place in the universe. As the great Kabbalist Rabbi Isaac Luria taught, ‘Every soul is a divine spark, a fragment of the infinite light of the Creator” (as quoted in Shaar HaGilgulim, Introduction 38). By connecting with this inner spark and aligning ourselves with our soul’s purpose, we can find greater meaning and fulfillment in our lives.
The Experience of Being Non-Binary and Feeling Mis-Assigned
As a non-binary individual, the discomfort of inhabiting a body that feels misaligned with my soul’s identity is a constant presence in my life. It’s a sensation that goes beyond mere physical unease; it’s a deep, existential sense of being out of place, of being somehow mismatched with the form I inhabit. As I described previously, I don’t derive my core sense of self from my body. Rather, I experience my physical form as a vehicle, a “meat wagon” that carries my true essence, which is that of an energetic being. This disconnect between body and soul is at the heart of the non-binary experience for me.
Society’s rigid expectations and pressures around gender and bodily presentation only compound this sense of misalignment. From an early age, we are conditioned to conform to a strict binary system, to fit neatly into the categories of male or female, masculine or feminine. For those of us who exist outside of these narrow boundaries, the weight of these expectations can be suffocating. We are constantly bombarded with messages about how we should look, act, and express ourselves, based on the gender of the body our soul was given. These pressures can lead to a profound sense of alienation and self-doubt, as we struggle to reconcile our authentic selves with the roles imposed upon us.
The journey of self-discovery and coming to terms with a non-binary identity is a complex and ongoing process. It involves unlearning years of conditioning and societal programming, and learning to embrace the fullness of our being, beyond the confines of binary thinking. For me, this journey has been shaped by my experience of being autistic and alexithymic. As I described previously, the fluid and permeable nature of my identity is closely tied to my neurodivergent way of processing emotions and experiences. My non-binary identity (neuroqueer) is not a matter of existing between genders, but rather of transcending the very notion of binary categories altogether.
Embracing a non-binary identity is about recognising the multidimensional nature of the self, the ways in which we contain multitudes and defy easy categorisation. It’s about honoring the complex interplay of body, mind, and soul, and the unique ways in which these elements come together to form our sense of self. As I shared previously, “I contain multitudes - whatever self-descriptions currently apply can coexist without contradiction.” This understanding of identity as fluid, expansive, and ever-evolving is at the core of my non-binary experience.
Ultimately, the journey of being non-binary is one of radical self-acceptance and self-love. It's about learning to embrace the fullness of our being, even when it doesn't fit neatly into society’s prescribed boxes. It's about recognising that our worth and value as human beings is not determined by our adherence to binary norms, but rather by the authenticity and integrity with which we live our lives. As I continue to navigate this journey, I am reminded of the power and beauty of existing outside of the binary, of daring to be fully and unapologetically myself.
Linking the Guf to Non-Binary Experiences
The concept of the Guf in Jewish mysticism provides a powerful framework for understanding the non-binary experience of feeling mis-assigned a body. According to this belief, our souls are pre-destined to inhabit specific physical forms in order to fulfill their unique purpose in the world. However, for many non-binary (and Trans) individuals, there is a profound sense that something has gone awry in this process, that our soul has been matched with the “wrong” body.
This idea of being mis-assigned a body carries deep spiritual and emotional implications. It suggests that our physical form is not merely a random accident of biology, but rather a cosmic mistake, a deviation from the intended plan of the universe. For those who feel at odds with their assigned gender and body, this sense of cosmic error can be both distressing and alienating. It can lead to a profound sense of disconnection from the self and from the world around us, as we struggle to reconcile our inner truth with the external reality of our physical form.
However, the concept of mis-assigned souls can also offer a measure of comfort and validation for non-binary individuals. It suggests that our true identity is not defined by our physical body, but rather by the essence of our soul. Even if we feel mis-assigned in our current form, our soul remains intact, a divine spark of the Creator that transcends the limitations of human-created categories. This understanding can provide a sense of spiritual grounding and purpose, a reminder that our value and worth as human beings is not contingent upon our adherence to societal norms of embodiment.
Moreover, the idea of mis-assigned souls can be seen as a reflection of the broader chaos and randomness of the universe. Just as the Kabbalistic creation myth describes a process of divine sparks being scattered throughout the material world, the mis-assignment of souls to bodies can be understood as a kind of cosmic accident, a glitch in the unfolding of the universal plan. This perspective can offer a sense of solidarity and connection with others who feel mis-assigned, as we recognise that our experiences are part of a larger pattern of cosmic chaos and disorder.
Ultimately, the concept of the Guf and mis-assigned souls provides a powerful spiritual framework for validating and affirming the experiences of non-binary individuals. It suggests that our sense of being at odds with our physical form is not merely a personal failing or a psychological quirk, but rather a reflection of a deeper cosmic truth. By embracing this understanding, we can begin to find a sense of meaning and purpose in our journey, even as we navigate the challenges and complexities of existing outside of the binary.
As we move through the world in bodies that feel foreign and misaligned, we can draw strength and comfort from the knowledge that our souls are not defined by our physical form. We can find solace in the idea that our mis-assignment is part of a larger cosmic story, a tale of divine sparks scattered and seeking reunion. And we can find hope in the belief that, even in the midst of chaos and confusion, our true essence remains intact, a shimmering thread of the divine woven into the fabric of the universe.
Reclaiming Agency and Authenticity
The journey of reclaiming agency and authenticity as a non-binary individual is a process of unlearning the societal norms and expectations that have been imposed upon us from birth. It requires a willingness to question the very foundations of our understanding of reality and identity, to peel back the layers of conditioning and programming that have shaped our sense of self. This process can be deeply challenging and disorienting, as we confront the ways in which we have been complicit in our own oppression, and begin to imagine new possibilities for our lives.
However, as we begin to shed the false skins of imposed categories, we also begin to tap into a deeper sense of our own truth and authenticity. We start to recognise that our worth and value as human beings is not contingent upon our ability to fit into narrow societal boxes, but rather upon our willingness to embrace the fullness and complexity of our being. This process of self-discovery and self-acceptance is not always easy, but it is ultimately liberating, as we begin to live in alignment with our deepest values and desires.
For many non-binary individuals, spirituality and mysticism can play a crucial role in this journey of reclaiming agency and authenticity. The ancient wisdom traditions of Kabbalah and other mystical practices offer a framework for understanding the nature of the self and the universe that transcends the limitations of binary thinking. By engaging with these traditions, we can begin to see ourselves as part of a larger cosmic story, a story in which our unique identities and experiences are not merely accidents or aberrations, but rather essential parts of the unfolding of divine consciousness.
In particular, the Kabbalistic concept of the Guf and the repository of souls resonates deeply with the modern notion of neuroqueerness and non-binary identity. Both traditions recognise the inherent diversity and complexity of human experience, and the ways in which our identities are shaped by forces beyond our conscious control. By embracing these ideas, we can begin to find a sense of meaning and purpose in our own unique journeys, even as we navigate the challenges and obstacles of a world that often seeks to deny our very existence.
Moreover, the Kabbalistic emphasis on the divine spark within each human being aligns with the neuroqueer understanding of the inherent worth and value of all individuals, regardless of their neurological or gender identity. Both traditions recognise that our differences are not merely quirks or deviations from the norm, but rather essential aspects of the rich tapestry of human diversity. By embracing this understanding, we can begin to build a world in which all individuals are free to express their authentic selves, without fear of judgment or oppression.
Thus, the journey of reclaiming agency and authenticity as a non-binary individual is a deeply spiritual and transformative process. It requires a willingness to look beyond the surface of our identities and experiences, and to tap into the deeper wisdom and truth that lies within us. By engaging with the ancient traditions and the modern insights of neuroqueerness, we can begin to find a sense of belonging and purpose in a world that often feels hostile and alienating. And by living in alignment with our deepest values and desires, we can begin to create a world in which all individuals are free to express their full potential, in all their glorious diversity and complexity.
Wrapping it up …
Throughout this (hopefully coherent) article, we have explored the profound resonance between the ancient wisdom and the modern experience of being non-binary. We have seen how the Kabbalistic concept of the Guf and the repository of souls provides a powerful framework for understanding the sense of being mis-assigned a body, and how this idea can offer comfort and validation for those who exist outside of the binary. We have also examined the journey of reclaiming agency and authenticity as a non-binary individual, and the role that spirituality and mysticism can play in this transformative process.
As we reflect on these ideas, it becomes clear that the non-binary experience is not merely a modern invention or a passing fad, but rather a re-awakening to ancient truths that have been suppressed and obscured by the forces of imperialism and conformity. Across the world, indigenous and minority spiritual traditions have long recognised the inherent diversity and fluidity of human identity, and have provided frameworks for understanding and embracing the full spectrum of human experience.
From the Two-Spirit individuals of Native American cultures to the Hijras of South Asia, from the Muxes of the Zapotec people to the Fakaleiti of Tonga, cultures around the world have long acknowledged and celebrated the existence of individuals who transcend binary categories of gender and identity. These traditions remind us that the non-binary experience is not a deviation from the norm, but rather a natural and essential part of the human experience, one that has been honoured and revered by our ancestors for centuries.
By drawing on these ancient wisdom traditions, we can begin to create a new paradigm for understanding and embracing non-binary identity, one that is rooted in a deep respect for the inherent diversity and complexity of human experience. We can begin to see ourselves not as isolated individuals struggling against a hostile world, but rather as part of a vast and interconnected web of being, a cosmic tapestry in which every thread is essential and valued.
As we move forward on this journey, it is essential that we continue to explore and engage with the spiritual and mystical traditions that have long provided a framework for understanding and embracing the non-binary experience. Whether through the study of Kabbalah, the exploration of indigenous spiritual practices, or the development of new and innovative forms of spirituality, we must continue to seek out the wisdom and guidance that can help us to navigate the challenges and complexities of our lives.
Ultimately, the message of this article is one of hope and empowerment. By embracing our authentic selves and reclaiming our agency as individuals, we have the power to transform not only our own lives, but the world around us. We can create a new reality in which all individuals are free to express their full potential, in all their glorious diversity and complexity. And by drawing on the ancient wisdom of our ancestors and the modern insights of our contemporaries, we can begin to build a world in which every human being is valued and celebrated for who they truly are.
So let us go forth on this journey with courage and conviction, knowing that we are part of a long and proud tradition of individuals who have dared to live outside the binary. Let us embrace our authentic selves with joy and wonder, and let us work together to create a world in which all beings can thrive and flourish. For in the end, it is only by honoring the full spectrum of human experience that we can truly begin to heal ourselves and the world around us.