Anxiety has a way of sucking the life out of us, draining our energy and leaving us feeling exhausted and depleted. This is especially true for those who are autistic and highly empathic (alexithymia). We are particularly susceptible to the overwhelming effects of anxiety. Alexythemia can be a tricky and manipulative force, distorting our perceptions and leading us to feel fear when there’s often no real danger. Over time, anxiety can become so chronic that it drains every ounce of joy and pleasure from our lives.
When we feel anxious, social situations can feel like a minefield. Our brains can go into fight-or-flight mode automatically over something seemingly trivial as lacking the scripts (gestalts) to engage in spontaneous conversation. Our bodies may feel as though there is a real threat of danger looming, which triggers a surge of adrenaline in our system, preparing us to cope with whatever challenge we might face. This hyper-alertness can be helpful in certain situations, but in social scenarios, it can cause us to feel overpowered and debilitated.
When too much adrenaline is pumped out on a regular basis, we can be left feeling wired and fraught with anxiety. Because there is no actual danger, we don’t use up the chemicals now flushing through our bodies. The buildup of adrenaline leaves us on the outlook for a potential threat, and it can send our minds into overdrive looking out for (fictitious) negative situations that may be lying in wait.
When we are alexithymic, we easily and automatically absorb emotional energy from our environment. This leaves us feeling anxious, debilitated, and emotionally drained. We find ourselves soaking up the emotional energy from others, without even realizing it. This leads to overwhelming / out of control feelings and being on edge. This can be especially challenging because we not only feel as though we are in danger, but we are also bombarded with energy from every angle. With alexythemia, our system does not recognize that the energy is not our own. Our highly sensitive nature makes us absorbent of energy, taking in everything and anything from our surroundings (this is one of the reasons why ABA fails in alexythemia).
As empaths, we are not only affected by the energy in our immediate surroundings, but we can also become overwhelmed by tapping into emotional trauma happening anywhere in the world. This means that we may absorb other people’s anxiety and emotions from far and wide, and feel them as our own (hint: the dangers of the evening news and social media). When we are already anxious due to personal circumstances, this can compound our anxiety even further.
If we can clearly identify our own emotions and separate them from others’ emotions, we can gain the power to break free from external anxiety and deal with the root cause of our own anxious feelings. This means taking the time to check in with ourselves, understanding our own triggers and responses, and learning to differentiate them from the emotions we may be picking up from others. This is very hard and purposeful work.
Those with an alexithymic system can often find themselves lying awake at night, unable to shake off the overwhelming feelings of anxiety that grip them. These feelings can be triggered by irrational or rational thoughts, or an excess of emotional energy. What’s important to remember is that the more attention we give to our anxiety, the more powerful it becomes, and the more it can compound our emotions. Even emotions that we might normally handle with ease can become intensified under the weight of accumulated anxiety. It’s easy to fall into a cycle where our anxiety feeds on itself, leaving us feeling trapped and debilitated.
Anxiety can drain our energy until we feel unproductive, exhausted, and unable to function (e.g., out of spoons). We may experience emotional and physical pain, and become fearful of everyday activities like going places, speaking to people, or trying new things. Our creativity can suffer, and we may not even realize that this “borrowed” anxiety is limiting our potential. It can be insidious, touching us in unexpected ways and making decisions for us without our conscious awareness. Unfortunately, if we allow ourselves to be weakened by anxiety, we may find ourselves subconsciously ceding control of our lives to it. Being weakened by it, we may then subconsciously allow anxiety to control of our lives.
Anxiety can be a shadowy presence in our minds, always lurking and ready to pounce. To conquer it, we must uncover its root cause (very difficult with alexythemia) and learn how to overcome it (this takes a lot of time and effort). By getting to know our emotions and understanding our triggers, we can better protect ourselves from the grip of anxiety. This means taking the time to explore our thoughts and feelings, and developing strategies for managing our responses to stress and uncertainty. I use the martial arts of Qi Gong, Systema, and Sambo to help. I can’t sit still to meditate. I’ve got to move. Sometimes, Sambo’s sparring element allows me the structured release of energy by engaging in physical combat with a training partner. It’s not always easy to confront our fears and vulnerabilities, but by shining a light on the darkest corners of our minds, we can discover new insights and perspectives that help us to heal and grow.
Anxiety has the power to take over our lives, dominating and consuming us if we don’t learn to master it. While anxiety can be a helpful warning sign of impending danger, triggering the body’s fight or flight response, it can also cripple us with overbearing emotions and chemical imbalances (e.g., too much adrenaline). In severe cases, we may feel powerless to take any action at all, leading to a sense of helplessness and despair. It can seem like a lose-lose situation, with anxiety taking away huge sections of our lives and controlling us completely. Many turn to psychiatric medicine, prescribed by doctors who don’t understand alexythemia or the autistic system.
In the grip of anxiety, even the slightest sound or movement can startle us, further fueling our fearful state. We may become hypersensitive to our surroundings, and anything that resembles a past emotional experience can trigger us further, derailing and overpowering us. Over time, left unaddressed, this can cement into a complex form of PTSD.
In a clinical sense, anxiety can be characterized by paralyzing, irrational fear. Beneath the surface, there may be underlying beliefs or thought patterns that are signaling for our attention. However, with alexythemia, it can be difficult to uncover these beliefs when we are in the midst of anxiety, as our minds are too consumed by fear to focus effectively on where these energies originate. When anxiety dissipates, however, we can begin to explore what may be causing it (internal or external) and work to address any underlying issues.
Anxiety can often start with a small seed of thought, feeling, or sensation, triggered by a forgotten memory or experience from our past. If we give that thought energy, it can grow and become more powerful, turning into an emotion that takes hold of us. As the emotion deepens, it can become part of our belief system, nesting deep inside and causing us to believe in something that may be entirely irrational. This cycle can be difficult to break, as our minds and bodies become entrenched in a pattern of anxiety that feels overwhelming and all-consuming.
Anxiety that stems from irrational thinking is a burden that serves no useful purpose. The original thought or trigger may no longer hold any benefit, yet we are left with a flood of adrenaline and emotionally charged chemicals that overwhelm our system and cloud our thinking. In this state, our brain is unable to function effectively, and we may feel unable to take action or make decisions.
In times of difficulty, our minds can become overwhelmed with a flood of extreme, often irrational thoughts that race at a thousand miles an hour. Instead of clarity, we experience a state of overactivity that can hinder our ability to process information and make rational decisions. To regain control, it’s essential to slow things down and avoid feeding into the attack. For me, I focus and slow my breath and pull my mind into martial arts training mode.
To combat anxiety, we can start by changing the way we think. We alexithymics need to not automatically trust every thought or feeling that floods our minds. Anxiety often stems from our subconscious, but when we consciously focus on the present moment, anxiety cannot hold its grip for long. By bringing our attention to our breath and the sensations in our body, we can slowly create a sense of calm and inner peace that allows anxious feelings to dissipate.
Anxiety is rooted in fear, so it’s important to approach it with a sense of stillness and calm. By focusing on our breath and observing our thoughts and emotions with curiosity and compassion, we can begin to understand what triggers our anxiety and retrain our minds to think differently. Breaking the cycle of anxiety is like breaking a bad habit – we become so accustomed to responding in certain ways that it feels natural to continue as we always have. But with practice and dedication, we can unlearn old patterns and relearn new, empowering techniques that support our wellbeing.
Simply telling ourselves to stop worrying is not an effective solution. In order to alleviate anxiety, we must practice genuinely convincing ourselves that there is no reason to worry. Like self-defense, we rise to our level of preparedness, not to our level of eduction. We have to practice calming ourselves down when there is no legitimate danger.
When we are in a state of anxiety, we are primed for danger, and dwelling on our worries only intensifies their hold on us. To quickly overcome an anxiety attack, we must shift our mental focus to a positive, comforting image. By deliberately directing our attention to something loving and soothing, we can effectively interrupt the anxious thought pattern. Once we have regained a sense of calm, we can then gently examine the source of our worries and identify what caused the intense reaction (internal or external).
Rather than fixating on our thoughts and allowing negative emotions to take hold, we can offer ourselves understanding and kindness, allowing our thoughts to pass without becoming overly attached to them.
As much as we might wish it were otherwise, eradicating anxiety entirely is not always a straightforward process. Even when we think we have it under control, anxiety can creep back in when we least expect it, threatening to disrupt our lives and mental well-being. This is especially true for those of us who also struggle with insomnia, as the two conditions can often feed off of each other in a toxic cycle.
The unfortunate nature of alexythemia means we must guard ourselves and our spaces carefully. We might not want to be close with emotionally dis-regulated people. We may, after all, pick up on their manias. Imagine being close with someone who is bipolar, and syncing with their cycles. This would quickly overwhelm you.
A closing note: this article is not a substitute for professional medical advice. I’m sharing what I know about the autistic and alexithymic system to help point the way for those who are unaware of the many issues with such systems. Please consult a qualified healthcare provider if you have any concerns about your health or are experiencing symptoms of illness or injury. Seeking qualified professional guidance is important to ensure you receive the best care and achieve optimal health and well-being. Remember, not every health care provider understands the autistic system or has even heard of alexythemia. Do your homework on anyone that you let on to your care team.
I would love to hear about how you manage anxiety, or what struggles you’ve faced in trying. Feel free to comment below. Thanks, as always, for your continued support.
Not autistic, but for me, frequent Muay Thai, boxing , distance running, or anything intense. Combined with yoga ish internal distancing/centering, and recognition/reduction of enough triggers overtime, to gain a semblance of perspective outside of my own, other’s, and rnd world dramas. One of my struggles since youth that was never effectively addressed by any medical or therapeutic assistance. Good info ty