Unfortunately, one’s diagnosis (or self-diagnosis) of autism doesn’t come with an owner’s manual or user guide. People, upon receiving the news often to do their own research. Unfortunately, the internet is not our friend in this regard.
People may start with Google Scholar, but the papers found in the first ten or so pages of results are often small scale studies examining autism from the standpoint of therapies and cures (see: where’s the evidence). In their opening paragraphs, they reinforce the usual stereotypes and false histories. Books by Autistic authors are often no better. Whilst, the authentic lived experiences of autistic people are a good reference point, if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person … once. That is to say, their experience of autism might not match yours. Their way of proceeding may work for them, in the moment in which they wrote their book. But, it might not track with yours.
Some people turn to social media. It’s full of autistic people who openly share their experiences. It’s good to hear different accounts, and really explore yourself in this sense. But, there is a great deal of danger there. Trolls are plentiful. If you find yourself posting something meaningful to you, it may trigger the trolls to attack. That’s never a fun feeling, especially for someone new to the community. If you doubt me on this, post something positive about ABA in a Facebook autism group. Watch how quickly the attacks begin.
You may be tempted to post something in such groups about the intrusive thoughts that we all have. After all, the autistic brain never really shuts the f-k up. Doing so will likely lead to all sorts of replies about this drug or that therapy. Very few will ask you about what the thoughts are trying to tell you. Think about that for a moment.
We all have inner talkers. I certainly do. One of the factors in my dietary choice of using a time-restrictive meal plan is to starve my brain of energy towards the end of the day so that it will exhausted and I can sleep. Another factor has to do with what happens within the brain when you do so. More on that in a minute.
Intrusive thoughts are present in all humans. Every single one. Most people simply keep them to themselves. Some thoughts are nice. Some are mean. Some are fearful. Some are creative or intuitive. And some appear crazy and irrational because their message is obscured. Yet, they’re all equally meaningful. Contrary to the notion that only pleasant thoughts are valid, the distressing ones contain valuable information that points the way to growth. They hold the key to developing the owner’s manual to your autistic system.
Indeed, inner critics, anxious ideations, and depressing thoughts are like alerting text messages from our subconscious; they show us our unseen psychology. For example, say you have an inner voice that tells you you’re not good enough. Regardless of its origins (family, culture, media, oppression, generational history, etc.), this thought highlights something in your process. The problem many of us have is that it can be painful and we want it to go away.
So, we use methods for suppressing it—positive thinking, mindful detaching, medicating, working, relating, drinking, surfing the internet, etc. These may be useful techniques in the short term. But in the long term they have deleterious effects. If we manage to quiet or silence the critic, we mistakenly believe we’ve gotten rid of it.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Suppressing distressing thoughts don’t make them disappear; it pushes them further down into the subconscious, where it influences us in ways we aren’t aware of. We may no longer feel the discomfort of its direct attacks, but in our deepest core we still feel the feelings these thoughts are meant to generate. The problem becomes, we’ve cut off our access to working on it.
You see, the unwanted thought is the doorway to transformation, and by banishing it without processing it we quash our chance at understanding it’s message. Your conscious may not want to hear what it has to say, but that doesn’t mean the message is unimportant. Unfortunately, we opt for pain-free living instead of dealing with our real process.
To be sure, this doesn’t mean we should engage with every negative voice. It’s important to be able to ignore an inner critic or tell it to shut up at times. But if we never process it, we kill our lucky gift of growth and understanding.
Back to my process.
One of the amazing things that happens in our brains when we use time-restricted eating schedules is the brain is turned loose to do some amazing things. One of those things is the production of DMT, which can help in lucid dreaming and the facilitation of flow states. Learning to flow within lucid dreaming is the most powerful way in which to explore the depth and breadth of your personal quantum field generator. You will learn so much about yourself, setting yourself up for further explorations and amazing discoveries. More importantly, you will find your way to your personal “why.”
I eat all my calories between waking and noon. Then I stop eating. I’ve been eating this way for over four years now. So, by 8pm, my brain begins to trip on it’s own now. I have the privilege of place currently to have a safe supportive place to work on myself in this way. I go where my brain takes me. I’ve made amazing progress, and I’ve just begun.
I’m working on a series on DMT, lucid dreaming, and exploring that space as a non-verbal autistic person for the AutSide. It’ll likely be ready in the fall. Until then, thanks for your support.