Today's topic is tough for a lot of autistic folks, myself included.
"Coming out" is tough because many autistic people "mask" in public. Masking is akin to acting. Being non-verbal, my first attempt at verbal communication was echolalia. Thus, I could practice speaking words from TV, movies, songs, etc. I had about 20 or so phrases / responses on queue. Not all of them worked in every situation. I know that many times the responses where completely inappropriate / failures. I had some spectacular fails in high school, for example. Thank God there was no social media back then to preserve those for all time - they're preserved quite nicely in my memory though.
As we grow up, we're expected to do certain things in life - dating, work, etc. We're told to fit in. Remember, all of this autism awareness is new. I'm past 50 now. Most of the autistic people I know that are my age or older mask to some extent and are very reserved about who they share their story with. Employers are still not very accommodating with "invisible differences" or disabilities that they don't understand. Being openly autistic in police service, for example, was quite difficult. It’s a dirty little secret that the military and police services generally exempt themselves from the many accommodations laws on the books. Odd, for a law enforcement agency to not apply laws to itself, but that’s for another time. For me, working there, the only available accommodation was "quit." My early retirement had a lot to do with the absolute exhaustion of not being able to accommodate my needs. Working 33 years worth of 8 hour days in such a situation does take it’s toll.
Sensory processing issues mean many things. Sounds that surround me aren't always processed correctly. My brain is locked in "automatic gain control," which means that all sounds are perceived to be at the same volume. Your voice, the voices down the hall, the hum of the fan, the TV, etc. - all the same volume. Sometimes, voices in a crowd blend and sentences are mixed together from various sources. It's confusing and exhausting trying to concentrate on a single voice in a crowded room. As a kid, it was overwhelming and terrifying. As much as it may hurt my adoptive family to read this, the holidays during my childhood were a nightmare for me. Everybody talking at the same time - the kitchen activity - the TV - the kids playing - all at the same volume - no place that was quiet to escape because there's about 200 people at “Grandma's house” - and Mexican goodbyes that take hours. Cigarette smoke, the smells from the kitchen, gallons of cologne, and hair spray, Christmas time was a full frontal assault on my senses It took days to recover, but I wasn't permitted a quiet place in a small house. I escaped out of the house - which had it's own peril.
As time has progressed, I've learned to focus more. But, I still need quiet time / space.
Learning the verbal world, practicing my newly developing verbal abilities, happened in my late 20's in North Hollywood Masonic Lodge as I’ve shared before. I joined merely by happenstance. My good friend / distant cousin had joined and told me of his experience. His description of it was fascinating to me - structure, quiet, one person talks at a time, ritual speech, practice, practice ... I was intrigued.
The deeper into Freemasonry I got, the more I felt at home. I felt most at home in Masonry's "nerddom," the Scottish Rite - or the University of Freemasonry. It was there that I thrived. It was there that I chose to "come out" as autistic.
My Masonic brothers have been incredibly supportive. Brotherly Love, Relief, and Truth aren't just a punchline. Masons believe and exemplify these concepts in their everyday lives, not just in the Lodge. I give as much to Masonry because it, and Masons, have given so much to me.
If you've read this far, and you're curious about Masonry and you want more information, please feel free to drop a note in the comments below. Masonry exists not only for adults, but also for teens. There's DeMolay for young men and Job's Daughters / Rainbow for Girls. And, yes, there are lodges exclusively for women and those for mixed groups.
I wasn't involved as a young person, but I had the occasion to see these amazing kids in action for the first time years ago when hosting a Burns Supper. We decided to swap the traditional Toast to the Lassies with the DeMolay Flower Talk. Witnessing a young man profess heartfelt feelings / emotions about love, devotion, motherhood, was amazing. Considering most teens have trouble communicating their feelings, the performance touched all in attendance.
If you're wondering how a child becomes a mature adult, Freemasonry offers an exploration around the amazing journey to mature adulthood (sacred feminine / masculine). Freemasonry was the stage, the safe place for me to feel comfortable enough to "unmask" or "come out." I'm glad that I did.
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